As you know, for me, 2012 is all about believing and that’s why I’m running a series of posts from people who have ‘taken the plunge’ or ‘followed their dreams’ or had a ‘now or never’ moment. I’m hoping these posts MIGHT just inspire you to be a bit brave too…
And today, well this one is extra-specially close to my heart, as novelist Alex Brown talks about when she first met her daughter (my goddaughter) for the first time:
If I’m honest, I never really dreamt of having babies. Not because I don’t like children, I do, I’m just not that into babies. Maybe it has something to do with being the eldest of four children, I was nine years old when my brother was born, and the novelty of nappy changing and all that baby stuff quickly wore off. Besides, I always knew that I was going to adopt a little girl… sounds like hocus pocus, but honestly, I really did know. You see, I have an autoimmune illness that can increase the risk of miscarriage, so deep down I think I probably knew that I’d never give birth to a healthy baby. I like to believe it was my inner resilience looking after me, protecting me… as best as it possibly could, from the devastating debilitating sorrow that was to come.
Fast forward several years of working, clubbing and dating disastrous boyfriends, I met the Irish hero, my now lovely husband, and guess what? He’s adopted. A sign. And something that could make all the difference. You see, a previous boyfriend had told me he had “no intention of getting lumbered with someone else’s reject kid”. I quickly realised that not everyone is open to the idea of adoption.
Soon after the wedding I contacted social services and brightly informed them that we wanted to adopt a child, only to be told that it was an extremely unusual choice for someone who hadn’t even tried to have a baby the “typical” way. Hmmm… well that told us.
After several miscarriages and a few years later, we went back to social services and explained how we’d come to realise that neither of us could go through the grief again, and having conceived very quickly each time, we’d been advised that IVF really wouldn’t make any difference. Besides, adoption wasn’t second-best, how could it be? That would be like saying my husband is a second-best person, and he isn’t, he’s the very best person I know.
When we were eventually accepted on to the adoption process, I felt so very happy, special even – lots of people were interested in how it was going, excited and keen to be a part of something amazing, and we were thrilled to share that with them. For us, I’ve been told the process was very quick, eight months or so from being assigned a social worker to being approved by a panel of strangers who knew more about us than our closest friends.
And then the call came.
Six weeks later, after having been told, and I quote “to expect a wait of around eighteen months for a girl aged birth to five years as that’s what everyone wants”, we were matched with a six month old baby girl. And the rest, despite my earlier reservations about babies, was when my dream came true and I learnt the pure meaning of believing. I’ll never forget the first moment I saw a picture of our daughter, the rush of familiarity, the overwhelming sense of calm.
At last, here she was… and of course that’s what she looked like, just as I always knew she would. I truly believe she was meant to be my daughter. A Buddhist friend once told me that we choose our parents… I haven’t figured out yet why she chose me to be her Mummy, I guess all will be revealed as part of the magic of our future together.
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About Alex Brown: Alex Brown used to work in an office, but after winning a competition to write a weekly newspaper column, circulation 500,000, she seized the opportunity to escape the corporate world, and realise her lifelong dream of being a proper writer. Alex writes contemporary romantic comedy and recently received a three book deal from HarperCollins. Her first novel will be published in Feb 2013.
Alex lives in East Sussex with her husband, daughter and two very shiny black Labradors.
You can visit Alex online at her website.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
What a beautiful story!! Thank you SO much for sharing that with us!! I will most definetly remember this and try to let it keep me afloat when I think that my dream of being a Mum will never come true. You’re an inspiration, Alex and your daughter is very lucky to have you as her parents. Much love xxx
This is such a beautliful and touching story. Life can be so amazing and so incredible. x
Thank you so much for the lovely comments.
xx
Trish – wishing you tons of luck and love
Fab!
What a beautiful story, Alex. Thanks for sharing!
I think that’s the first time I heard someone wanting to adopt saying they felt ‘special’. It made me cry – this is such a lovely account. Thank you for sharing.
A wonderful, inspiring story. Thank you for sharing such a special experience. So happy that you all found each other. x
How wonderful. Such an inspiring story. And heartfelt too. All the best to you xx
I have tears. This is such a beautiful post.
I can relate as I met my step daughter when she was two and it was love at first sight. You don’t have to be a biological parent to feel that all consuming sense of adoration.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
“Knowing” is a very underrated experience, easily dismissed but very powerful. I knew my husband (of 20 years) would propose the weekend he did (our third meeting). I knew I would have twins, although I confess to moments of doubt over the years I have 13 year old twin daughters.
Trusting our gut feelings, that feeling of just knowing it is going to happen can be hard but once we do I think life becomes not only easier but more exciting as we are open to so many more possibilities.
Someone knew that Alex was your goddaughter’s mother
Gillie
Just wanted to say thank you to each of you for the really kind comments. This post is incredibly special to me and hopefully it will be to my daughter too when she’s older. I’ve put a copy, together with the comments, in her keepsake box.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.
Luck and love,
Alex xx
Thanks so much Alex and thanks to everyone who commented. This post, I feel, is a very special one x
Chiming in a bit late to say that your daughter is lucky you feel as you do. My older brother and I were adopted and my two younger sisters were not. We always felt that ours was the privileged position, being coveted and chosen, rather than showing up late and uninvited to the party! I imagined the adoption agency as a grocery store with rows of babies lined up, my parents walking the aisles until they found just the right one…me. They always made us feel that adoption was very special and unique and your daughter will feel the same way. Congratulations!
Ahh, Mary that’s just lovely to hear. Thank you so much x